March of this year has probably been one of the most important months in years for me and the reason for that is that I’ve been pushing myself and learning about myself in ways I have never done before. Since November I have been dealing with severe depression, while trying to make decisions that will define my everyday life on a big scale – this is one of the most difficult things that I have ever had to do because the balance of not doing enough and overdoing is such a fine line, and it’s even more difficult when you struggle to get out of bed and getting food into your system. With this being said, I’m already doing a lot better since I got into my treatment, but I think most people see the more functional side of me and forget that basic things can really throw me off balance. I’m moving forward, but I have to take it one step at a time.
During March I did not only get into treatment, but I also made the decision to totally throw my current intern strategies out the window and start fresh with a new plan. I gave up my project, switched focus to whole new area within the organisation and began working on a new report researching mental health issues common within leadership positions and how they can be prevented.. All of this simply because I had ended up doing the same stuff I always do and know and because none of it actually made me feel excited about getting up in the morning.. Because you know what? No one is going to kill you for changing your mind and your plans to pursue what you think is important, you might even come out of it happier and healthier than you ever thought possible!
So now I have one month left of my internship before I head to Italy and Japan with my friend Marta, so I’m just keeping my head high and trying to dig into whatever makes me feel curious and excited about my work and my days!
What I’m Currently Watching:
I’m not really watching anything on a daily basis other than Giant Bomb, but I have been bingewatching Love on Netflix. I know a lot of people don’t like the female character Mickey Dobbs, but I actually find it refreshing to see a female lead character who deals with addiction and problematic behavior without it being about making her fit into a glamourus, beautiful mold of what a woman should be like. She is problematic and annoying and tough and badass and watching Love really made me realize how much I’ve been needing to see more female characters that are allowed to act like that on screen (kind of the same reason why I loved Pamela Adlon as Marcy Runkle in Californication).
Music I’m into:
Books I’m reading:
I haven’t read a proper book in ages, but my internship actually motivated me to go to my local library and just stuff my backpack with books. I’ve been reading a lot, but the one book that has really been on my mind, probably because I’m an intern at the moment and experiencing that awkwardness that comes with it, is a book called Det goda värdskapet – Konsten att få människor att känna sig välkomna (Hostmanship: The art of Making People feel Welcome) by Jan Gunnarsson and Olle Blohm. It’s a book filled with little stories that in themselves define and discuss what being a good host actually means. I’ve been working with trying to create spaces where people feel welcome, but I have also been at the other end feeling both welcome and unwelcome, and I’m just really curious about the entire subject – how do you really make people feel welcome?
Latest movie I watched:
Kristoffer has forced me to watch so many bad ones that I can’t even recall them all. Everything from the new Assassin’s Creed movie to Passengers, where the first one put me the sleep and the second one made me so angry that I had to watch some sitcoms afterwards to get my mind of it. (Which rarely happens). I’m really craving something that will mind f*** me like Predestination, The Lobster, Antiviral and The Discovery did. If you got any recommendations, please leave them in a comment below and I will check them out!
My Latest Purchase:
I might have placed another order at the Tokyo Treat shop because I might have a problem. #treatyoself! I also got my Japan Rail Pass which means that I am ready to go!
It seems right now that every weekend is scheduled for adventure with easter coming up and family and friends wanting to hang out and spend time with me before I go on my trip. My brain is pretty much cluttered with all the things I need to sort out before then and finishing everything related to school before my graduation. I really want to push myself to do more things and advntures that I find exciting before I go, but my health issues kind of ends up getting in the way. Do you have any suggestions of things you want me to write about? Please let me know in the comments, it might just be the boost I need. 🙂